I won the student body election


I won the student body election.

And I did not barely win, either. I won the election by the highest margin of victory ever recorded for a ticket in the history of Notre Dame. And yet, they want you to believe that we lost.

You might have seen coverage that three tickets ran, and yes, it might be true that I did not formally submit to be listed on the ballot, but don’t listen to the fake news media that want you to believe that Njomo and Bisner won. I ran as the fourth ticket and I won the election by a landslide.

Because they want to take away our victory, I have no choice but to contest the results of the election. I might have technically lost by a total of 4,300 votes, but I feel a mandate from the support of my followers. So, in the name of justice for my party (our slogan was “Make Newfs Great Again”), I have submitted multiple cases to the Notre Dame Judicial Council regarding the blatant fraud that occurred during this student body election (which, you must admit, seems to happen every election cycle at Notre Dame anyways). The first case pertains to the blatant fraud and bias of Google forms. I cannot believe how unfair it is to sign into your email, click on a candidate name and press submit. The Google form is a method of aggregating mass opinion weaponized by the radical Google users and the people who use your dorm’s listserv to ask you to fill out a sloppy poll they made at the last second for their classes (also, my name did not show up on the form so it must have been altered somehow). I told my supporters not to vote using the form that was provided. The only accurate way to vote for our student body president is in-person, so imagine my surprise when they told me that voting would be conducted by following a link sent to our emails. That isn’t the end of the story, either. I received word from my officials that baskets upon baskets of votes for the other tickets were carried down from the mysterious third floor of Hesburgh Library and counted hours after the deadline to submit your vote had passed.

Story continues